Soap - Psalm 68:19

ARGH, I HATE BLOGGER

It deleted my post on Psalm 68:19

ARGHHHHHHHHHH. STUPID BLOGGER.

But.

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden,
The God who is our salvation.
Psalm 68:19

To condense everything:

Blessed means God looks upon with favor, but God being blessed is Him being attributed as someone worthy of worship and unmitigated reverence.

God bears not only our sins, but our entire lives hinge on Him.

God literally is our salvation. (Studies on Saving Faith) - God the Father ordained and planned my salvation-and chose me. God as the incarnate Son did a completed work and fulfilled the requirements of the Law in my stead. God as the Holy Spirit continues to do a sanctifying and regenerating work in me, preserving my faith.

I will see God as someone worthy of my worship.
I will know that my entire life anchors on the Lord.
I will reflect on the cross.

THANK YOU JESUS.

Soap - Man Putting Himself Over God

S: "Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?"

Matthew 15:3

O: This was a very serious statement-as Jesus was pointing out the emphasis the Pharisees put on man-made tradition and laws. That their "devotion" to God and Scripture became so legalistic that they put upon themselves unreasonable and unbearable burden. It became a checklist and a race to see who could uphold the most commandments and how perfectly they could conduct themselves-a commendation of some sort for being able to discipline one's self to know, uphold and enforce all laws (which was a problematic approach from the beginning as it was impossible).

Today, I hung out with one of my very best friends, Josh-He said something I could have easily said a big amen to because it perfectly describes our situation. "We're being sent out to help others (he's referring to all the outreach work his church was trying to do through events and such) but we can't even help ourselves." The week before this, I realized how empty I really was running on-it was like a spiritual meter with the light on, indicating I needed more fuel. With only a few drops I was trying to run distances that was impossible by human strength and yet I would continually refuse being filled up because somewhere deep down, I enjoyed being lazy and I enjoyed be "so tired."

Do we not wear out our own brothers and sisters in Christ to the bone in ministry? Aren't we just spoiled in expecting praise with a praise team other excess extravagance that could be used otherwise? We struggle so hard to have the best equipment, most exciting retreats and the whole way through I never seemed to ask myself, am I being faithful? I would have easily set aside a practice time in lieu of prayer because praise team "needed" that. Where are the true needs being met ? I think amongst all the hub-bub of all this bustling church activity, we are rationalizing that we do a good work despite the fact that our own souls are seriously lacking any evidence of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. That we are running on empty without prayer and the Word and constantly asking "Why the dryness?"

And without realizing it, there is an empty, non-Spirit driven ministry on our hands that will utterly condemn us unless we repent and acknowledge that which God has outlined for us in life.

Why does our modern church have to be identified by awesome praise and good events? This in it's own right proves that we have elevated a certain tradition amongst our churches over what God seeks in his worshipers: faithfulness in worshiping Him in spirit and truth.

A: I know church. I know the ins and outs of church like no other. I want to marked as a man for Jesus not because I play lovely music for the Lord (though I may try to do that), but solely because I am rooted fully in Christ. A man of obedience and diligence-sanctified not because ministry tells me it's required to serve BUT because God tells me it's required of His children. I know I make the same inference over and over again, but the key difference is that I tried to shed my sins and sought sanctification because of ministry rather than because I loved God and wanted to be more like His Son. I must be Christ-like. Empowered by the Spirit rather than by blaring music and other weak, useless foundations.

P: Lord, you have blessed me even in this totally lame time of detox where I keep poisoning myself once you're done purging me of it. You truly exceed all loving patience and kindness-I know that I must be so frustrating to deal with. Yet nothing frustrates Your great plan and so I praise You for that constant source of comfort-You are good and nothing will ever change that.

Father, forgive me of my lusts-I can never win against my flesh, alone. I trust that submitting to Your commandments and praying for deliverance can be all I can do. It is in Your hands-and I don't want to draw up that veil yet again, confining me to my boring self. I know that I have also placed ministry above Your throne in my heart-please forgive me of such an atrocity, I never thought it'd ever get so bad. But I realize I have and I repent of my idolatry.

I thank You for the blessings and even the luxury I live in now, Father. I honestly have nothing to complain about other than my weak character-You provide for me in abundance and I cannot thank You enough for that. May my life be a reflection of thanks given to You, Lord.

I only ask that You would abide in me, Father-as I'm trying to abide in You this very moment. I just want to be faithful to You. It's so painful not having You in my life because of sin and apathy and lethargy. It absolutely sucks. I hate it so much. But Father, I know that You hold me in Your hand despite how disgustingly deep I've fallen in my pit. Thank You so much. Abide in me. In Christ.

Soli Deo Gloria

Soap - Mighty Men

S: Now three of the thirty chief men went down to the rock to David, into the cave of Adullam, while the army of the Philistines was camping in the valley of Rephaim. David was then in the stronghold, while the garrison of the Philistines was then in Bethlehem. David had a craving and said "Oh that someone would give me water to drink from the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate!" So the three broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water from the well of Bethlehem which was by the gate, and took it and brought it to David; nevertheless David would not drink it, but poured it out to the Lord; and he said, "Be it far from me before God that I should do this. Shall I drink the blood of these men who went at the risk of their lives? For at the risk of their lives they brought it." Therefore he would not drink it. These things the three mighty men did.

1 Chronicles 11:15-19

O: Out of all the Old Testament stories, this particular story about the mighty men that served under David has always fascinated and inspired me.

All throughout the times I have looked over this story I never quite knew what I could get form it, but I think that this passage reflects the kind of bond soldiers have in battle-not only are they tied together as friends, but warriors for their country-fighting for the same goal, under the same leader.

When I see David's men I see a few choice characteristics:

- They were exceedingly loyal - Under all the circumstances that befell David, they accompanied him throughout his life in battle and persecution. I'm sure that the conditions were more than harsh; they slept in caves and were constantly besieged by enemies. But they were loyal to their king and only looked towards the goal of supporting the rightful king.

- They risked everything - People who fight alongside one another must trust one another as well as be genuinely supportive-anyone who did not genuinely care would not have risked their life for David. In risking their lives for David (I'm sure they did many times before this as well), they not only demonstrated a loyalty fit for family, they demonstrated a love and trust only wrought between true friends.

In this, they fought together, ate together, and basically lived together. That makes me wonder if David had some sort of mentor relationship with his men. But, whether he did or not (I'll look that up later), the relationship they had is parallel to what I think would be ideal fellowship (in the spiritual sense).

Mighty men (and women!) certainly do exist today-and I believe strongly that they exist in my life. Although, the "mighty men" in my life have very little to do with physical warriors and mere acquaintances but rather, people placed in my life that would go to great lengths for me. People whom I know truly take time to pray for me and look out for me-I suspect I had maybe a few to no people praying for me or asking me about my spiritual life even just a few months ago. But now, it's a completely different story where it's quite reassuring that there are people who fight this fight alongside me, willing to risk much more than superficial words-but real prayer and real action. Perfect people? No. But, grounded, faithful people-would I be one to ignore the fact that they kneel in the midst of packed, hectic schedules (burst through a battalion of Philistines) to pray for me (and get me that refreshing water)? Never, never I would say-but sadly, I never took it into much account until now.

What should I do? I think I should strive to be a "mighty man" in someone's life. A person that people would refer to as a fellow brother in Christ willing to lay down his life for the sake of the kingdom. That should they face a serious spiritual battle, they know I am in full support with them, prayer and Scripture in hand-calling the General out for help. I should also remember that I'm well-supported. There are those who specifically walk by my side, trying to drag me along while I shuffle my feet. I need to be a mighty man myself.

A: I will pray more-but I want to pray for someone and press on in this life with them. I think I'm coming to realize more and more of what God wants me to do. Discipleship was never on my list to begin with until I realized the vital role it has in the church-I was never entirely enthusiastic about it either; but I feel drawn towards it more, now. I will be someone who is well-grounded, exceedingly loyal, and always willing to fight alongside those whom God wishes for me to support. People were never meant to walk alone!

P: Father, You are the good Shepherd. You tend to me, one of your flock-and You have always been lovingly kind and gentle. But, when I stray, I know that You would rather break my legs, carry me back (despite my bitter bleating) rather than having the wolves devour me, as they would surely have if it weren't for You. How glorious and beautiful You are, that You would place such wonderful people to prove to me that You work through men and women of all kinds. I am sorry to say that I have been so ungrateful for their loyalty and love that is most assuredly from You-Father forgive me for taking Your people for granted. Lord, would you teach me, however-to return the same love and blessing that is poured out upon me? I want to be a mighty man-someone others can trust because I trust in You. Someone who has the courage and resolve to fight alongside others when they are in need-in prayer and in real loving actions. I thank You so much that there are those who do that for me-in that example, I pray that I would learn all I should know in supporting as well as mentoring others. In Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria

Breakfast Soap - Mourning Saul / Jonathan

S: Then David took hold of his clothes and tore them, and so also did all the men who were with him. They mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and his son Jonathan and for the people of the Lord and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.

2 Samuel 1:11

O: I think it was customary to mourn the death of Israel's king, but I'm surprised that David even mourned Saul at all. After all, Saul tried to kill David on numerous occasions and not only that; when David was given the chance to kill Saul, David adamantly refused to lay a hand on Saul because he was the "Lord's anointed" and above all things-David did not want to mess with God's anointing no matter how much contempt Saul treated David with. I guess that sets apart David being the better man as we see the comparison between the two kings. Had I been in David's shoes, I would have easily rejoiced in the fact that one who wanted me dead was killed in battle-but yet again, David sought to please God, and not himself.

On the other hand, I find it to be very appropriate that David mourned his best friend, Jonathan-I imagine that that David must have been terribly burdened with his closest friend passing in battle. As the passage goes along, in verse 26 (middle of where David wrote his poem over Saul and Jonathan), David writes plainly "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women." That was some hardcore friendship, there-brotherhood that he counted greater than having a wife.

I think that the main part of this chunk of Scripture that spoke most to me was that David honored God-David may have truly felt remorse for Saul and maybe even pity, to the extent that he had fallen to such a dishonorable way of death (suicide, although David believed the Amalekite who claimed to have killed Saul, which I would guess to still be dishonorable). David was furious with the Amalekite and had him killed for killing the Lord's anointed-as it was taboo to kill an anointed king. What I admire most is that David honored God so deeply, of course; but I'm especially impressed because David held fast to that notion despite all the hardship Saul had put him through.

A: Things like 'love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you' come to mind when I think about the actions David took-He was definitely a foreshadowing of the coming King, and it was reflected in his character. As God looks favorably upon those who resemble...well, Himself, this mentality of reverence for God's people and long-suffering patience and mercy David demonstrates is definitely something I should strive for. There should never be a limit to what should be forgiven when someone sins against me (and vice versa) as we're all sinners. I admit that I would have had a grudge against Saul, but David held fast to obeying God and reconciled with Saul.

P: God, You are good. You have been patient and merciful with me-I confess that I am not wholeheartedly focused, but I come with the desire to remember that I'm made complete in Christ. Forgive me of my heart that can't seem to catch up-and my flesh that I which I wish I could suppress. However, You alone can mortify my sins, Holy Spirit-so press on in me. Like King David, would you cultivate a godly maturity in me-I could never forgive someone such as Saul on my own, but I know that by Your grace and example, there is no offense that is beyond the power of Your Son's blood. Would You make this day fruitful as I strive to spend it with You? In Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria

Soap - Don't Want to be Condemned

S: An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign and yet no sign will be given to it but the sign of Jonah the prophet; for just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Nineveh will stand up with this generation at the judgment, and will condemn it because they repented at the preaching of Jonah; and behold, something greater than Jonah is here. The Queen of the South will rise up with this generation at the judgment and will condemn it, because she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.

Matthew 12:39-42

O: Ninevah was a city that God was going to destroy because of the atrocities its people were committing against Him. And the message that Jonah gave was clear and direct-Ninevah will perish in 40 days, as the Lord told Him to proclaim. The entire people went into mourning and repentance-the king himself set aside his robes, put on a sack cloth and ordered that not a living thing will eat nor drink water and cry out earnestly to God. The people of Ninevah truly repented of their ways. I believe the sign of Jonah was definitely repentance-but I don't understand the correlation between Jonah being the belly of the fish and Christ in the heart of the earth...What is the heart of the earth?

For You had cast me into the deep, Into the heart of the seas
Jonah 2:3
As Jonah referred to himself being underwater...
Christ is referring to being in the heart of the earth-in the pits of the underground...basically saying he'd be dead.

Jonah was in the beast for 3 days because he refused to go where God was sending him. But when Jonah finally decided to obey God, He made the fish vomit Jonah back out and sent him out again to warn the people of Ninevah of their impending doom due to their sinfulness.

Christ was crucified upon a cross, laid dead and rose again to life on the 3rd day...

The verses that really struck me were the latter half of the verses, though - Is Christ referring to the generation that was going on then? I feel like it stretches to this generation today, that I feel like demands a sign from God. Here, Jesus refers to people who only listened to Jonah and Solomon and yet here is the SON OF GOD and no one seems to want to repent or listen to Him. Here is something that is so great-Jesus Christ, the manifestation of the Word and no one realizes that He is the greatest. People from previous generations who never even met Christ will rise up and condemn those who have had Jesus right before their eyes.

This generation has Jesus right in front of us-we have every opportunity to study the Word, pray, and praise God without any hindrance and yet we're lazy and apathetic-Replacing real genuine time that could be spent with the Infinite with finite things. I feel like I'm a part of a generation that's like Ninevah-but just without the earnest desire to turn from our ways. Here is Jesus, and yet I will willingly put Him aside for other things. I desire peace and joy and yet I seem to forget that I find it in spending it deliberately with Him and I look for it in people and activities.

A: Every time I stray from the refreshment of real time spent with God, I always forget to go back-and so my spiritual food is taken randomly and at jumbled times. This needs to be the time I take the most seriously and most frequently and most consistently. So to go with my easy-going and spontaneous nature, I'm going to set times when I'm going to do my LJs-not to restrict myself, but to remind myself that time spent with God may be a blessing, but that it's exactly that. A blessing for myself, not for Him or others-I could spend so much more time being blessed by getting to know God and yet I only hurt myself by refusing it. I want to be different from a condemned generation and really repent of this behaviour. I want to apply repentance for my bad habits.

P: God, You are merciful. Your patience for Ninevah was encouraging and uplifting-it reminds me that a sinner like myself can never be saved by prayers or readings-but only by faith in Christ, which was even brought by You. Thank You for this piece of Scripture that you have blessed me with. I have brought to you transparently the sins I hold and I have laid them before you-but, Lord my flesh continues to bring me down-but I will strengthen myself in You and I know that the Spirit will put to death the sins in my life, daily, as I strive to fight with the Word you have armed me with. Would you teach me to be diligent in this fight-that I wouldn't let up even for a second. I want to press on with the fervor of that person whom you make passionate and joyful in You-Would you give me that very passion and joy that which only derives from knowing and loving You? I want to live in such a way that glorifies You, Lord-and I know that a passionless and joyless life is not what you have intended for me. All these things in Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria

Soap - Strengthened

S: Moreover David was greatly distressed because the people spoke of stoning him for all the people were embittered, each one because of his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

1 Samuel 30:6

O: David found his encampment in Ziklag burned down and all women and children captured by the Amalekites. Almost to be expected, the people reacted in a violent fashion-immediately blaming their leader for being unable to prevent such a tragedy. In the end David proved to be the victor over the Amalekites, taking back everything that was taken from his people.

However, as David faced serious danger in his men acting rashly and upon their emotions, he found peace and composure in reliance upon God-David, described as a man after God's heart was not someone who just turned to God when things were troublesome, but also turned to God in times of joy, sadness, and in all other things-as the Psalms would show how many times David praised and cried out to God.

I also believe that David, without acknowledging that God was ultimately the anchor that would keep him grounded through such a stressful situation would have easily succumbed to a cowardly act of running away-Although, king David had the character of one who always tried to acknowledge that God was Sovereign, so it wouldn't really have been relevant to say that I guess. BUT, the whole picture is that David found his strength in God-without it, the end result could have been drastically altered (in the bad way of course).

What is something I've learned about God's character? That He is the backing of every great man and woman in Scripture. I easily see king David as one of the greatest figures in the OT and I really admire him-but without the Lord's anointing...without God strengthening him, David was just another man who could have gone as badly awry like Saul (who, incidentally, the Lord left).

A: How can I be strengthened in God? These applications all seem to fall on the same plane, but I know that my relationship with God could really stand some more consistency-a daily offering of my life through premeditated prayer and time spent in the Word. Not a feast on Sunday and starvation through the rest of the week.

P: Father, how ridiculous is it that I'm asking you to remind me to feed myself. I'm sorry that I've been such a child lately-You deserve more, not that I could ever give enough, but I know that it would be all or nothing. Forgive me of my laziness, lust, and inability to discipline myself-but would You give me the joy in time spent with You in prayer-that it would never be an obligation, but a joyful mandate; that my soul should recognize the yearning for You and Your presence in my life. Teach me not to just look upon words, but strengthen these weak, fragile spiritual limbs with your words and Spirit. Would you be praised yet again in my life. In Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria

Random blogging post.

What could I have done better today?

Well for starters, I didn’t do much, haha. I’m on my break from ministry, at the moment, and it’s nice to stretch my legs and feel no pressure. I have no intentions of going back to youth ministry, at least not as a praise leader or as anything really. I love leading, but also hate it. Obligation and duty often creep up on leaders-breaks are a luxury for the layman in ministry. Praise God for rest!

I really need to start waking up earlier-get my day rolling and working. I've got huge amounts of time in between classes and lessons...I'm thinking about taking private lessons for myself, again-to push myself in improving my technique and overall playing.

Hmm tasks to-be done in no particular order:
-Watch a movie (How to Train A Dragon [?])
-Clean my rooms and my car
-I've also gotta get a video from Eunice, maybe I'll visit her at school
-Visit Pastor Frank and hang out with him...
-I'd also like to eat some L&L's
-Pray for stuff
-Doing my LJ's at whenever times...the best time
-Gotta get this bass that Pastor Frank let me use, fixed up

I have class tomorrow which is relaxing and stressful at the same time. My teacher may finally let me solo finally (ever since the one time he let me solo in the beginning of the quarter) - Hopefully I don't screw it up. All he's been making me do is play rhythm! Blah blee bloo, stupid rhythm all day long. I HATE playing rhythm for anyone other than for people who can actually carry a solo going without throwing me off my groove. A soloist can very much throw a drummer or rhythm guitarist off if they suck. So I guess I'm trying to say I dislike playing for people who suck. I know I'm no king of the blues, but I can string together notes in such a rhythmic fashion without sounding like a vacuum cleaner going over the keys disjointedly. Yeah, I'm a little bitter about being left to play chords and being given crap whenever I make a single mistake.

Also learning how to play bass, a little more properly-I want to be good! I've been listening more intently to Pino Palladino on some of John Mayer's records and Pino absolutely rocks the bass like no one I've ever heard. After practicing on the bass for a bit, I could tell my fingers totally sped up on my ol' 6 string guitars like none other. I made up a speed lick that's a little shaky for me-but seeing as hammer ons and pull offs are my weakness, I'm surprised to say the whole lick is pretty much hammers and pulls! Anyhow, it is getting late-time to sleep.

Soap - Cleansing

Just like a spiritual mid-life crisis, I've come to reevaluate my standing as a Christ-follower and I've repented of my sin and lack of obedience.

For God's glory.

My break was supposed to be a time where I got deeper into prayer and the Word. Rather, I've wasted time doing neither-instead, I've been frivolously scouring craigslist, lounging in this very chair I sit in for hours on end, and sleeping at highly unreasonable hours-only waking up to teach guitar lessons and to go to class. While, the rest of the time I would wallow in my obsession with pornography, my comfort sin.

It's a terrible thing to let the devil have a foothold in your life. It's almost as if you've conceded to defeat and deny the chain-breaking power of grace. But I'm tired of lies and I'm certainly tired of trying to act "transparent" by putting on a holy facade. Screw holiness if it's only for the means of being "holy." I used to be riddled with guilt whenever I knew sin was taking over my life-but I would override it with service to the church-thinking my sins would be overlooked if I could just contribute to the kingdom. All chaff. Nearly all my work is chaff-do you guys know what chaff is? It's the outer layer of grain, completely inedible and absolutely useless. When the harvest rolls around, chaff is burned up and the actual harvest yields reward for the harvester, as he will partake in it-whereas the one who had nothing but chaff will starve.

Here I am to apologize-to everyone. I am sorry to my praise teams, whom I left-I led you all on with my double life. I would come to short periods of repentance for my behaviour, but short-lived repentance is hardly repentance at all. So I'll just say that I'm sorry for being the unfit, unrepentant leader that I was. If I have ever stumbled any of you, I ask that you forgive me (for your sake as well as mine). I am just a boy, trying to become a man who walks in righteousness.

I am not fit, nor was I ever and nor will I ever be-to serve in the glorious kingdom that which is ruled over by Christ. But I find that we all come from the same mold-as unrepentant, undeserving people...Which makes grace all the more sweeter and yet almost bitter in the sense that it is given to a recipient who has neither earned nor deserved it in the slightest.

Praise be to God, who gives life freely to those whom he chooses to give it to.

I submit to His authority and power-and not by any of my doing do I choose to obey, but as a response to his goodness. Lord...

His unmerited favor and His Son upon that cross and raised to life is what has saved me from my sins and from my self. and Saviour.

His Word will not hang around the threshold of my mind and soul as a medal or badge to merit my authenticity as a follower of Christ (though it may contribute to that argument) but rather to bolster my knowledge (of him) and love for him, that I may be more and more submissive and suffering on behalf of His glory.



S: Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

2 Corinthians 7:1

O: In the previous chapter, Paul talks about how believers cannot be bound with unbelievers-how we need to cling to the promise of being set apart from the world and therefore being a part of the adopted sons and daughters of God.

Of course, read in context, I'm sure this goes hand in hand with 1 Cor 15:33 where Paul states that bad company corrupts good character-just as much as a believer will want to influence others, they must be well rooted and well grounded in their faith-so as the Corinthians needed to be addressed of their problems, it holds true today that Christians cannot spend all their time in the company of those who will inevitably bring about a corrupt influence upon them. From the extreme of Christians walking, talking, and acting like the world - I also garner the opposite extreme being a danger as well:

The perspective of shutting out non-christians from church does not at all support the fact that God desires all men to be saved (1 Tim 2:4). (A:) Not only should we be set apart from the world, but we should not shun the world as if we were never a part of it to begin with. All called by God are called to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19) and so we must be the ones who influence.

But to push it further and to question, how will we be set apart from, and yet still influence the world?

A: To be set apart is revealed clearly in this particular point in Scripture that which I bolded in the beginning (and it happened to be the first thing I read when I finally get back in the Word...I believe the Lord is trying to tell me something, LOL). We need to cleanse ourselves from all defilement of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. Once again, the obvious states that this does not say that I must be perfect in a day-but I need to give up everything without hesitation for the sake of meeting that standard which can only be met by the blood of Christ. There is no room for rationalization or of an incubation of a "little" sin in this life that which must be set apart for Christ. To be set apart means to yield to His authority and obeying it-basically, not sinning...to be the very influence means not just being free of sin-but also taking the Lord's preceptive commands seriously, as prayer and action that aligns with God's will will change the world. They go in order though-be set apart (don't sin) and then influence (do what God commands!).

P: Lord, I'm glad that you've made a stand in my heart. Thank you for bringing me back to your Word, which I thought I didn't miss-but now, feeling at a loss for my disobedience and stubborn ways. May you be glorified in all that which You've taught me today-for I start life again, anew! Cleanse me from all defilement of flesh and spirit, and teach me to fear You, O Lord-that I may find a perfected holiness when the time comes. I want my repentance to be true, that I may come before You with no baggage(well, there's always been baggage, but I want to get rid of it!), but rather with faithfulness. I thank You and praise You for just another day. In Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria

Lost Joy

I am officially burnt out-or at least I feel like I am. My joy in serving has been extinguished. My joy in many things are gone.

I'm so tired. I don't want to do anything anymore, other than pray and play guitar. And maybe hang out with people. But I'm tired of "ministry." Tired of feeling obligated to do things for the church-the vision for God has disappeared. Why do I do what I do? Am I doing anything for the Kingdom?

Aaron is excited to help out Peter and Jenny-I'm actually excited/happy about this too. More happier than anything else going on at least. And I know that helping them is real kingdom work...unlike so many other things that I rope myself into. Ridiculous.

Maybe this is the desert? I hate the feeling. So tired.

Soap - Delilah, and Jesus

S: ...But he did not know that the Lord had departed from him.

Judges 16:20

O: On three occasions, Delilah attempted to find what Samson's strength was and betrayed him with every revealed "weakness" Samson fabricated. On her fourth try, she finally got him to reveal his weakness and after shaving his head, Samson was humiliated before the very Philistines he had conquered with a jawbone of a donkey. They gouged his eyes out and he was left to be made a spectacle of.

One thing that stands out to me is how Samson endured Delilah's obvious attempts to capture and subdue him. Did he love her that much? Samson obviously suspected her of treachery, due to the fact that he lied to her three times, and yet-what good did anything come out of staying with her?

Samson made terrible choices in lovers-He married a Philistine woman, had sex with a harlot (prostitute) from Gaza, and he married Delilah-the one woman to bring such a mighty man to his knees. Although Samson's character seems brash and a bit on the weak side when it comes to women, it doesn't change the fact that most guys are probably like him (other than the massive strength). Samson would look upon a woman, and if she looked favorable (in other words, if she looked sexually appealing, I'm guessing), he'd immediately turn to his carnal desire and marry her.

(A): A side note application I would have to say is not to fall into my attraction for any lady-Especially when they're not Christian. My expectation of a girlfriend has long since changed, but Samson reminds me that even the best of us will get caught up with superficial things like looks and such-but will overlook the important aspects of what to look for in a wife: One who has a relationship with Christ-in fact, one who is on par with our own spirituality, and one who God has in mind for us. I'm pretty sure God didn't really want Samson to marry a Philistine, prostitute, and a two-faced liar.

However this particular portion of verse 20 points me in the direction that Samson, despite his immense victories over the Philistines, he wasn't all cracked up to be as amazing as he thought he was (as the previous verse says "And he awoke from his sleep and said, "I will go out as at other times and shake myself free.") - Something tells me that Samson was getting into a streak of pride, the fact that he was able to fight off armies of Philistines alone and that no one could bring him down. It's strange, but God uses the weak to shame the strong-I'm sure that Samson would have never thought in his wildest dreams that a single woman would have been able to take him down. But as soon as the Lord was out of the picture, that's exactly what happened.

Delilah had men in wait to kill Samson-Just like the people who loved and cherished Christ, He was betrayed a mere few days later. And just when Delilah and the Philistines who had bound Samson thought they were victorious, Samson brought down the house one last time to remind them that God will redeem His people-As Christ was broken, and seemingly destroyed-The Father raised Him back up, and Jesus was redeemed and received as the very King of Kings. It seems like a far-out comparison, but I feel like the similarities and the very big differences make the Gospel all the more significant in my eyes, as Samson died that day. But Christ not only conquered the enemy, but He rose again to show for it.

A: Pride is a creeping, crawling sin-it can infect the minds of the once-humble and I don't ever want to be one accused of such a thing. I will never take myself to be anything other than one who has worth because He who has infinite worth resides in me and saved me and loves me. Apart from Christ, I'm an empty puffing load of fancy words that can do nothing.

P: But, Lord-if I ever fall prey to such a thing, I know that You are ever-patient and good. Thank You for such a thing, because I know I have fallen to such sins and that if I ever stray from the thought of reliance upon You, I will fall yet again. Redeem me yet again, Lord-for I know that my offenses against you are infinite. Press against my heart the infinite worth of Christ, who loved me and gave Himself up for me-I never want to forget! Teach me to be strong, yet humble-that I may be a servant used in powerful ways like Samson, but also discerning in all ways. All these things for Your Son's sake-In Christ, amen.

Soli Deo Gloria